


Gamzee: Moderate an online forum for recreational drug users

by TalkingAnimals



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Mental Health Issues, Past Drug Addiction, Past Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 13:44:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17726315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TalkingAnimals/pseuds/TalkingAnimals
Summary: Your name is Gamzee Makara, and you've been moderating this website for over a sweep. You know it’s been just over three human years, because this website is hosted by a bunch of the little fuckers. They’re actually pretty nice, most of them, and two human girls run the website with you. They’re always tense around you for reasons you can’t understand, and they’re always checking in on you and saying hi and how is recovery going which you only recently learned means “how are you feelings about not being on drugs” which apparently is a whole, Operation, on earth. Which is what they call their planet. They don’t even capitalize it when they talk about it, which strikes you as particularly irreverent. You follow form, though, because you think maybe honouring the connections people have to things close to them is a form of reverence in itself.---I keep forgetting that I've never posted this. It was planned as an entire AU but my Rosemary fic took over as soon as I started writing it, so now it's just a small Gamzee-centred study of drug recovery and mental illness.





	Gamzee: Moderate an online forum for recreational drug users

Your name is GAMZEE MAKARA.

You are a RECOVERED ADDICT.

You moderate a user-based website dedicated to DISCUSSION OF RECREATIONAL DRUGS to deal with your FREQUENT URGES TO RELAPSE

You also find that FREQUENT YELLING gives you A BIT OF A HEADACHE,

so you won't be tolerating that motherfucking nonsense for a second longer.

Your name is Gamzee Makara, and you've been moderating this website for over a sweep. You know it’s been just over three human years, because this website is hosted by a bunch of the little fuckers. They’re actually pretty nice, most of them, and two human girls run the website with you. They’re always tense around you for reasons you can’t understand, and they’re always checking in on you and saying hi and how is recovery going which you only recently learned means “how are you feelings about not being on drugs” which apparently is a whole, Operation, on earth. Which is what they call their planet. They don’t even capitalize it when they talk about it, which strikes you as particularly irreverent. You follow form, though, because you think maybe honouring the connections people have to things close to them is a form of reverence in itself.

You’re actually getting very distracted right now.

You’re sitting back in your chair, face straight up, right arm hanging down so you can feel the cool floor of your hive through the tips of your claws. You can feel your own weight, and it’s satisfying, pressing down onto the resistant corners of the chair and feeling the pull on the mass of your arm taper and splinter until your fingers barely register their own mass. The last bit of light from the night is pooling in through your window and melting over your face as it falls past the edge of your hive. You were supposed to be writing some kind of response, or editing something, or replying to Roxy in the middle of a conversation, but you like to get up right at the edge of night time just to let yourself get distracted like this.

There’s something about these transitory periods on your planet that make it feel like nothing else is real, like you’re immersed in liquid, so you get up right in time to enjoy them and you feel like no-one can touch you. In all honesty, no one really can touch you, because you’re fucking scary and an absolutely massive highblood, but you feel vulnerable and terrified because the inside of your own brain feels like it’s being corroded so it’s out to get you more and more daily. Rose and Roxy – these are the human girls from the website – they tell you that’s not an unusual sensation “in recovery”, your body and brain reacting to losing its support, to things that caused you to “use” (eat, drink, swallow) in the first place. It’s hard to believe them sometimes, but you know that’s not on them - you know your own corroded brain infects itself and lies, lies, lies, and if you’ve got nowhere else to go but the inside of you, you have nowhere else to run. They tell you they have things like that, too, “in recovery”, not being able to trust, “Yourself”, not knowing where you end and the damage you caused yourself began, and they package it up nicely and contain it and sort it when they present it to you. It doesn’t occur to you they might feel just as jumbled as you do, because you can’t motherfucking package a goddanm thing you think, feel, experience, the way they can. You think they’re just smarter, better, more contained, which flatters them but they let you know: no, no, no, you, too, and you can’t believe it. Every promise of stability, comfort, safety, we’ve-been-there-before-and-it-gets-better they give you slides away as you watch the light slip out from in between your fingers.

And it’s dark outside.

Of-fucking-course it’s dark outside, because it’s only the times you’re suspended in liquid anything actually feels possible. Fuck.

You sit up.

The blackened sky is kind of like a jolt for you, now, reminding you how much it sucks to be seen, felt, experienced, on the planet and in space and occupying the air with everyone else. Like you’re forced to fall back into your own brain after living outside of it, reality grinding its way back into your face as the world ceases to cease to exist again.

And you were _definitely_ in the middle of writing a message.

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] starting trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] at 17:80

TG: hey mod Faygo!!  
TG: me n rose were gonna clear out the old general benzo section since most of them are klonpin entries and try and sort them all into the proper categories now that we have !!!  
TG: !!! EXCITING NEW SECTIONS FOR EVERY KIND OF BENZO !!!  
TG: do yuo wanna help us!! we also have to get sections up for different deliriants but that one's   
TG: fuckin HARD cuz these kids don’t know what the fuck they'r even taking half the time!! LLOL  
TC: Oh HeLl  
TC: MoThErFuckin  
TC: YEAH  
TC: i do!!! :oD  
TG: omg m.f. ur quirk always changes around if I message u in the morning!!!  
TG: I can tell exactly when u started zoning out LOL  
TC: DON’T I MOTHERFUCKIN KNOW IT  
TC: honk :o(  
TG: hahah  
TG: dude don’t be all down on the dumps ovr that it’s cool!!  
TG: i lov ur troll quirks theyre fuckin neato moskito dude!!  
TC: :o) :oD  
TC: can i start on helping out with the motherfucking  
TC: DELIRIOUS ONES :o)  
TG: yea me n rose thought u might want those!! LO L  
TG: need me to get rose to unlock it for you?  
TG: or are u already in there with ur sweet fuckin haxx  
TC: i am  
TC: ALL KINDS OF IN THERE BEING HELPFUL ALREADY :o)  
TG: yo u don’t gotta hack your way in dude you know that right!!  
TG: it’s no big thing to let you in lmao!!!!!!  
TC: i dont even mean to be doing any of what i get up to in here  
TC: IT JUST MOTHERFUCKING HAPPENS  
TC: :o)  
TG: LOL   
TG: u gotta send me some of ur fuckin alien teknology one day dude   
TG: I wanna see what the fuck this stuff is programmed to do!!!  
TG: ur always in there before i can even tell you what ur doin!  
TC: xo)  
TC: THAT WOULD BE  
TC: my motherfuckin pleasure :oD  
TG: hell yea!!!!  
TG: altho  
TG: just between u and me fayglo  
TC: :o? :o?  
TG: i kind of get the feeling it’s just you behind all this mysterious stuff n e dang ways lol  
TC: :oD! 

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] at 00:14

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TC] at 14:03

TG: heeyyyyy  
TG: sssiiiiissssss  
TG: u know what ive been getting real fucked up about  
TG: latestyles  
TT: If it’s about him getting into a server that he shouldn’t even know existed,   
TT: I’m already several steps ahead of you.  
TT: I’ve already noticed and settled into a mellow terror about the maleability of our reality at the hands of a random 20 year old we met arbitrarily over the internet.  
TT: And cycling through some bastardization of the stages of grief most suited to this particular brand of reconciling irreconcilable truths.  
TG: no no no rose dude i dont give a flip about that junk thats his m.o. dude his fuckin calling card his   
TG: fuckin weird interdimensional hoo hah  
TT: Those were basically the conclusions I had been drawing in order to cope as well, yes.  
TG: but rose  
TG: mother   
TG: fuckin  
TG: roseanthemum  
TT: That one's new.   
TG: out of all the fuckin  
TT: I think I'm a fan.  
TG: ways  
TG: a fuckin universe  
TG: can be concieved  
TG: and like  
TG: the multitude of possibilities  
TG: of like  
TG: all conceevible kinds of fuckin existence out there  
TG: and like we’re talking about  
TG: two different planets of fuckin bipedal written n spoken language book makin movie makin fuckin   
TG: species  
TG: already being kind of a fuckin anomoly in my fuckin books  
TT: Yes.  
TG: how'n the fuck  
TG: (how ON THE FUCK)  
TG: do we have  
TG: two fuckin independently formed fuckin planets  
TG: w fuckin individually formed fuckin societies cultural norms fuckin gender concepts hierarchies   
TG: models of cities thousands of years of evolution a fuckin part  
TG: and both of these motherfuckin civilizations  
TG: motherfuckin land on  
TG: faygo  
TG: as a thing they gotta invent

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] at 14:25

TG: rose what the fuc k don’t ditch out on me here this is for real shit dude  
TG: im not messin around here bro!!

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] at 18:56

TT: Sorry.  
TT: I suddenly had to lie down for several hours immediately after reading that.


End file.
